Let Me Fall

Is the title of a song sang by Bethany Joy Lenz in the Drama TV series, One Tree Hill. The first time I heard the song, I fell in love with it. It makes you wonder why right? Well, if by any chance you go on YouTube! and actually listen to the song, you will understand. It's not just about the music, the voice or the lyrics of the song. It's about the feelings portrayed in the song. The feelings that I felt as I listen to the song. The feelings that I once had, or maybe still have until now.

Everyone wants to grow up. I, for one, am a rebel. I am a black sheep of the family. The outlaw. The third child in a family of four siblings. When you are different, and you know it, it makes it even harder on you when everyone points it out to you. Not to mention when they are actually disappointed with you. Almost as if you are a defect. Like in the song, sometimes I wish everyone would just let me grow up, to let me feel the pain and sorrow that the world has to offer. To let me discover the world with my own two eyes and feet. Even if I fall, even if i die, at least I won't die with regrets. I have left my footprints on this world. The footprints, which says "Hey, I was here!".

The real world, reality or you may call it, can be cruel. To you, to me and to anyone out there. Facing the truth can be hard. Accepting it in your heart is even harder. Finding out that you are all alone in this world, the people that you love with all your heart don't love you back can be even worst. I, on the other hand, got used to it. Watching the people I love leave one by one, I got used to it. How? I stopped loving them too. That's how.

In the midst of it all, I discover that there is someone who will never leave you. And that will be God. My God would be Allah, since I am born a Muslim and thankful to be one. He's there all the time, watching, helping, listening. Most of the time, you and I forget about Him. When He never forget about us. A friend of mine once told me, if ever God forget about us, even if just once, then we'll all be dead. At first I don't get what he meant by that. But I guess it takes time for you to understand it. In your own way. To me, it was when my first love left me. I was devastated. My life ended right there and then. But somehow, I discovered someone else. And He gave me the peace of mind, the strength to go on and the dreams of the future which give me hope.

- MikoNazuhan

Life Changes....

.... like the four seasons. Time goes by, the earth continues to spin on its axis yet sometimes you felt as if nothing in your life ever changes. I have experienced a very life changing event in my life. The biggest event that should have change me forever... November is here and the leaves are falling yet I am still the same me. Although I have to say that sometimes you may loose things or gain something without even realising it. As they say, in order to gain something, you have to lose something. It opens up opportunities that I have never seen before. It allows me to meet and get to know people at a different perspective. However, I also lost my inner shine. The inner me. Sometimes, I wonder if gaining all these is worth losing the person I love the most in my life? To loose "Me" in the process?

Writing is a way for me to express how I feel. Writing is a way for me to put down my thoughts. By writing, I share the world my imaginations cause I have lots of them. Like scenes from a movie, it keeps on playing and playing. There are so much stories to tell, to share. Yet, where should I start? Where should I begin? When I read the words that I wrote, it reminds me of how I felt at the time. It comes back so vividly. Maybe happy or sad or even confused. Writing is my way of telling myself that everything will be OK. Writing is my passion. Writing is my talent. Writing is me. Writing is who I am.

Too bad I lost it when my love left me. I lost me in the process. Sometimes I wonder. Is it worth it?

- MikoNazuhan.

P.S. - This is just a random article that I wrote at the spur of the moment. It has no guild update what-so-ever...